how weird

so so so busy lately and too much caring if i am putting enough effort into relationships with people i really really care about.
but like miki said "it shouldn't matter"
because friendship love/connection is mutual right?
but like i've said before, i hate hate miscommunication.
but in a way like im learning to love evan as a person even though i hated him for many things
it is hard to take away all these "worldly" definitions of friendship like what you say or do defines your friendship? like whaaaaat. there is so much i haven't said that i mean way more then all the stupid shit i say or do. like how do you let someone know you care when thats not really your style? i mean i appreciate the mean-ass-ness too sometimes cause its all out of love.
but deeeeeeeep down, we shared this time for a reason right?
Friends Forever! Even if it's one-sided.

so it was super apparent to me today when mitchell said "so........, are you here?"
and tom sent me a message like "so where have you been anyway?"
it became very apparent that i am such a loner.
why must i seclude myself in constant anxiety and nervousness around everyone except a select few?
why why why why why am i failing so bad in school
i need to get my shit together.
FUUUUUUUUUUCK 8 am classes GA-LEE!